The Love Suicide
by cheetolover5
Summary: Wanda is one of the first souls on Earth. But in this story she is not only a soul but a seeker as well. Is she far too good-natured to live this life style? What happens when she falls in love with Ian? And he finds out shes a soul? BAD SUMMARY!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Can love truly overcome all barriers? Barriers of the heart? Head? Soul?

Oh how that one word can cause such hatred. Seeing the hatred form on his face when he hears that word. That God awful word, fear and hate emit from his still lovely voice.

My body flushes with warmth at the wonderful memories, of what words that beautiful voice had spoken to me. My face flushes, heat rushing to it as if I was hanging upside down on the jungle gym bars. Just like she used to do. her memories replace mine in my thoughts, I am a monster. Even the man who loves me will hate me when I tell him what I truly am. He will hate me for what I have done, not only to him but to the entire human race.

I have taken a life. A human life, not only to sustain myself on this planet. But I help seek out the suspicious. The suspicious are dangerous to our cause. They could guess the truth for once and cause a riot. I shuddered thinking of the force that we would have to use to calm them down. I would have to physically hurt someone. Horrid memories flood my thoughts. The memory of the first human that I found that knew what we were. The first human I had to capture. I had the easy job. At least I didn't have to help dispose of the knowing humans. But just pondering that some humans that I capture are lead to thier death revolts me.

I deserve to die. But I cannot force myself to take my own. I cannot force myself to tear myself away from that beautiful man. He told me he loves me. But he doesn't know the real me. I have to tell him, even if he does hate when I tell him at least he'll know the truth. I can see now how the hatred in his deep blue eyes will replace the affection. I can hear how the warmth in the undercurrents of his voice will be permantly substitued with obvious fear and loathing. I shall not blame him for his obvious reaction to the truth of what I am. I can't lie to him any longer, I can tell him no longer that I don't think that his mother is acting strangely. That perhaps she is just dealing with her grief in her own way.

Lies that sound like the truth on my coniving tongue. Unlike most others of my kind I picked up the art of lieing quite well.

He needs to know the truth. He needs to know what I am. Although Angela- I snort internally at the fact that her human name is nothing like her true name that roughly translates to Billowing Ice Crystals- has told me that it is too dangerous to tell humans what we are. What I am. But by the time his mind compreheneds the fact of what I truly am I will be dead. I will have tossed myself from the very cliffs where we met. Dramatic and final. I shall go out with a bang, a dramatic ending to a very long life. My body is terrified, but my mind is resolutly set on my final ending. The sharp rocks onto which I will fall will cause pain.. so much pain. My body gives an involuntary shudder.

Love is fickle, it creeps in when you least expect it and settles in your heart. Clouding your judgement and common sense. I love him but his reaction to what I am will cause him to hate me. I cannot stand the thought my love hating me. Tears soak my shirt as I realize that I must tell him the truth. That he has fallen in love with a monster.

Love cannot overcome such a large contreversial barrier. The barrier of me being a soul. Not just a soul, but a seeker.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. Just to clear things up a bit, the last chapter was the preface. Sort of like future feelings and such. Sorry that I didn't make that clear. I would like to thank my two reveiwers ImagativeRainbowPenguin, sophiesix. Thank you so much!! I'm sooo sorry this chapter took so long to get out but I just couldn't get it right! Hopefully I got it right this time. Please R&R! I'm really sorry I haven't had time to reveiw any of the stories you suggested. I've been on vacation for a while now. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host (wish I did), but the amazing Stephenie Meyer does indeed own it. :'( I forgot to put the disclaimer on the first chapter sorry! But same goes for Chapter 1. **

Chapter 2

"This is where she lives," Carson man is completey useless. He spent the whole car trip here telling me how important names are to our "jobs". I moved the file of Portia Bittinger into the glove box. As if I haven't already been told about the suspicious humans in the area that I am now being forced to call home. This strange place that I'm not familiar with. But Adeline, can remember quite vividly. She remebers leaving the most though. It's one of the most recent memories she had.

_Flashback_

_"And remember to call us when you get there" momma instructed. Biting her lip worried, as if the plane will magicallly fall out if the sky with me on it. After all this isn't the first time I've gone overseas on a plane._

_"I'll be fine momma" I reassured her. _

_"I jus thave a really bad feeling about this" she replied. "Maybe you should just tell Aunt Clarrissa you will visit her some other time, perhaps when I'm free to come as well." _

_"You know it can't be rescheduled momma, she needs help sorting Uncle Tom's things. I can't leave her alone with that. Uncle tom's death hit her pretty hard. She doesn't even act the same anymore." _

_End Flashback_

If she had only known what truly happened to her Uncle Tom, and in turn to her Aunt. If only she had known that when she got off that plane she was never going to get back on. Her body was of course but she would be gone.

I sit silently in the black sedan, staring out the tinted windows at my new house. Complete with my new family standing outside waiting for me. I pulled down the car visor and quickly grabbed the eye drops from the dash and squirted exactly one drop in each eye. The painful stinging was worth the end result. The silver swirl in my gray eyes disappeared, almost as if it was never there. But it is there, I reminded myself. You cannot change who you are Wanderer, the dreaded silver will come back once the eye drops have worn off, in about 12 hours.

A man and woman stood outside the plain white victorian house, my family. Or rather Adeline's family. Momma and daddy, my arms yearned to fling open the door and grip them tight. So I went with my bodys' instincts, just as the other seekers had told me to. I didn't think my hosts' instincts would be this strong. I felt foolish for thinking that following my instincts would be hard. As i gripped them tight loving welcomes were pouring out of all three of us. When i finally let them go I looked up at my momma's face. I can see where my host got her innocent petite looks from. Which unfortunatly for her was why she was taken out of all the other young females at that airport. I remember her fear, her blood pumping furiously through her veins, air coming in shallow uneven breaths. She was terrified. She had reason to be. The people she had asked for directions from looked quite innocent. They even had children with them, so she thought they were safe. That is untill they led her to a deserted part of the airport.

_Flashback_

_"I-I think I sh-should be going now" I stuttered, inching away from the seemingly harmless family that led me here. That man and woman with their little child looked so innocent. But the man grabbed my arm roughly and jerked me towards him. I opened my mouth to scream when the woman put something in my mouth. Her eyes began to morph. I watched in confusion as a silver ring began to form around her pupil. She closed my mouth and I felt the thin sheet dissolve. It tasted funny.. I wonder what it is? My eyelids began to sag with sleepiness. I felt as if the Sandman himself had dumped his whole bag of magical sleeping dust on me__**(I couldn't help myself it's a bit of an inside joke between me and my friends)**__. My vision blurred as I pondered what they had stuck in my mouth. My golden hair fell in front of my eyes and I realized that my head was tipping forward in sudden exhaustion. No.. I mustn't sleep. I have to stay awake. I have to- blackness. _

_End Flashback_

I shivered internally at the horrifying memory. But as a seeker that is now my job. I have to inflict that fear in other humans. Discreetly of course, and they find out who and what I really am this world could be ruined just as part of the Flower World was. Another mess up like that and seekers would lose all inner pride and gratitude from other souls.

"Are you ok honey", the woman asked as she stroked my face gently and tucked a lock my hair that was flying wildly in the wind, behind my ear.

"I'm fine momma", I replied forcing a smile to form on my face. I'm now thankful that the healers and Aunt Clarissa taught me how to arrange my features properly so lies sounded like the innocent truth. It was the lesson that took me the longest, even though this tiny body practically hypnotizes people into trusting it. My face gives off the illusion of being youthful and trustworthy. I am neither. My real name is Wanderer nick-named Wanda by Aunt Calrissa, whose real name is ironically Billowing Ice Crystals. She always did like to stir up trouble, at least from what Adeline can remember. She was from the Ice City as well, so of course she knew the embaressing story of how I saved my friend. Apperantly that made me perfect Seeker material.

"Oh, Addie darling I missed you so much! How was your Aunts house? Is she still acting strangly", the almost mirror image of me asked. I find it almost funny how she seems worried about how Aunt Clarissa is acting, shes not completley suspicious yet. I'm only certified to bring in the suspicious humans.

" She's starting to get her life back together, but she still needs some more time. She said that she can move in with us after she manages to sell her house." Blatant lies are definetly not my specialty, and the woman noticed. Her face didn't show her suspicion, but her eyes did. Human eyes are always open books, emtions play out quite obviously.

"Momma, I'd like you to meet Carson," the undercurrents of my voice filled with forced affection, as I turned to the young man behind me. He was dragging our bags up the walkway to where we stood.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you Carson, of course you must already know who I am," the woman smiled. And pulled Carson into an embrace. She always was a loving mother to Addie. Addie never did get out much, which resulted in her not having very many friends and virtually no boyfriends. At least not serious ones, Adelines' mother must take meeting Carson as a sign that her little Addie is growing up, and has meet the man of her dreams. After all she was only gone for a month to visit her Aunt and comes back with a native boy that she met there. But she doesn't know that Addie didn't even get the chance to meet Carson. And we are far from love. We are together by obligation, nothing more.

"Of course I do m'am, Addie is the spitting image of you. I could've sworn you were twin sisters when I first laid eyes on you, except that Addie told me she has no siblings," Carson exclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes. He sure is laying it on pretty thick. That might be a fatal mistake for our carefully crafted fake relationship. After all, Addie's mother must know what kind of guys she preferrs.

"Oh, stop it," the woman said blushing, obviously enjoying the charming mans company. The womans eyes suddenly went wide and panic flooded them. "The pot roast is probably burning right now. I can't believe I forgot!" I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding in. Carson was well aware of my recent distress and grabbed my hand, rubbing small soothing circles near the base of my thumb. His hand was warm and rather large. And I felt a longing, not for Carson but for any male. Carson was like a brother to me despite what we must be like to each other in public.

"Now I'll be right back, I just have to check on the pot roast and the potatoes. Perhaps you should take Carson to your room, Adeline. I do hope you like pot roast Carson, if not I can make something different," the woman offered.

"I love pot roast," Carson politley responded, as he picked up our bags and followed her into the house. I brought up the back of the group, as my mind began to wander through old memories. Sifting through them trying to find my favorites. I was unnaturally drawn to a paticular memory, the one that keeps reoccurring in my dreams. I don't understand why though. It's such a normal expirence. It's of when the new neighboors moved in next door. A little boy with a perfect little nose, almost like a sculpture, always caught my attention. But they moved away a few years later. Addie didn't find the boy that intresting though. In fact she liked to avoid him altogther.

"Adeline are you going to show the poor boy where the room is, or areyou just going to let him hold those heavy bags in the foyer all day?"

"I'm sorry," I told Carson blushing like mad, as I looked up at him through my eyelashes.

"It's ok, honey," he replied giving me a loving smile, which made me blush even more. Stupid host body! This body is so frustrating sometimes.

I led him up the stairs to the second landing and down a long hall as the woman went to check on dinner, I opened the last door on the right.

"Here it is," I said relieved to finally finish our small trek through the house. My memory blurred in random places, I was almost afraid I would open the wrong door and get hopelessly lost. Which would blow my cover for sure, not only my cover but Carson's as well.

When we were safely in the room with the door shut and locked we listened closely to noises from two floors down in the kitchen. Nothing. The room was safe then. My shoulders sagged in relief, finally I could temporarily let down my guard.

"You did a pretty good job Wanderer," he praised in a quiet whisper.

"Why thank you, you did a pretty good job yourself Swaying Leaves," I complimented him back. He was smiling like he just won the lottery. His eyes glinted with an emotion I couldn't recognize. But it was gone in a flash.

"Ok, so tomorrow we'll take her to Healer , then we can be a more perfect family. People around this neighborhood are suspicous because of what happened to Alex O'Shea. Especially his wife, Marilyn. We might have to deal with her as well. Luckily, she lives right next door. Perhaps thats a blessing," he said thoughtfully.

"Or perhaps it's a disaster waiting to happen," I retorted with a shudder. I don't want to have to use force on the woman that was always kind to me. Or at least kind to Adeline.

"It'll be ok. We have to civilize this planet so other souls can enjoy what we already have. Just think of sharing all these bright colors with our brethren. The vivid dreams, the amazing food flavors, the diverse countries that all are beautiful in their own special ways, and the deep emotions that not only control the mind but the body as well," his voice laced with wonder as his eyes glazed over. He voice trailed off and I knew he was only saying this for his benefit now. Then he seemed to snap back to attention, his eyes simutaniously hardened. As he continued his speech.

"But we cannot make a safe and secure home with barbaric humans. Have you seen the newspapers lately," he asked me? His deep brown eyes were practically hypnotic. He was clearly worked up over the current subject of our conversation.

"No, why,"?

He opened his suitcase and pulled out a long sheet of white gray paper with lots of tiny black writing on it. He handed it to me.

"Thats todays paper. I bought it at the gas station on the way here from the airport," Swaying Leaves explained quietly seeing my confused look.

'YOUNG GIRL RAPED AND LEFT FOR DEAD' the headline proclaimed. How could someone do that to a little girl?? My mind reeled in suprise. Auntie had told me humans were monsters, but I hadn't truly understood what she meant. Now I understand all too clearly.

"How often does this happen?" My voice was trembling and more high pitched than usual.

"Too often," he answered. "I have heard that some humans even kill themselves". Taking the prescise gift of life away on purpose? How could someone do such a thing? I had a strange feeling about such an action... almost foreshadowing. I shoved it down quickly.

I couldn't help but to believe what his convincing voice was telling me. To save the human race we must kill the people inside and replace them. A tiny voice in my head protested, but I squished it into oblivion, untill I could no longer hear it. And as soon as tomorrow is over and momma finally wakes up we won't have to pretend anymore. Swaying Leaves and I can be ourselves again. My new momma won't be cruel like Addie's momma. After all, all humans are barbaric monsters.

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**Ok so how was it?? Good? Bad?? Please R&R!!! Sorry if it was bad or didn't make sense. I've been writing it practically two paragraphs per day. I even started to confuse myself on certain parts. It didn't really help that I thought I saved some pretty significant changes to this chapter at like 3 in the morning, then woke up the next morning to find that I didn't save it. :( But maybe it's for the best. The chapter is completly different now. Sorry for the atrocious grammar. And don't worry Wanda's just going to be temporarily brainwashed by her partner in crime. haha**

**~cheetolover5**


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